


Small Dicks Need Not Apply

by 1bad_joke



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Attempt at Humor, Bottom Jensen Ackles, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, PWP, Power bottom Jensen Ackles, Rimming, Size Queen Jensen Ackles, Top Jared Padalecki, hung Jared Padalecki, switching POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:27:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23708359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1bad_joke/pseuds/1bad_joke
Summary: Chad just had to burst into his room waving around a Grindr profile proclaiming to be in search of big dicks, and now Jared is obsessed with the most perfect backside.Jensen is just a tired R.A. who, according to Danneel, just needs to get laid and forget all about his ex's tiny dick.Hopefully a funny PWP with a little, little bit of plot and some feelings.
Relationships: Background Felicia Day/Rachel Miner, Jared Padalecki & Chad Michael Murray, Jensen Ackles & Danneel Harris, Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki, past Jensen Ackles/OMC
Comments: 9
Kudos: 154





	Small Dicks Need Not Apply

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a fun, light-hearted story I've been slowly working on. Now, with all the craziness in the world, why not post something about dicks? I hope this makes you smile and acts as a distraction if you need it. Stay safe, healthy, and sane!
> 
> This is un-betaed. All mistakes you find are my own. Also, I apologize in advance for how many times the word, "Dick" appears in this. If we could survive season 7, this will be a breeze.

Just as the video was really starting to pick up and he was reaching for the band of his basketball shorts, Chad exploded into his room.

“Dude, you gotta check this out.”

“--the fuck! Chad!” Jared squawked, upending the computer on his lap and scrambling for one of the pillows stuffed behind his back (for maximum comfort) to shove over himself. His boner and Chad so did not belong in the same room together. Had Chad somehow illegally copied his key? How did he always get in?

“Check this out--” His best friend (and he was using that term loosely at the moment) paused with a frown. The phone in his hand was forgotten as he finally took in the situation he'd just barged into.

Jared froze, face beetroot. His mortification evident from his saucer-wide eyes to the iron lock on his jaw, and down to the stranglehold of the pillow smothering his erection. Jared knew what was coming once that squinty blue gaze drifted from the cliché combo of tissues and lotion to the damning moans coming in tinny echoes from his laptop. Chad's frown curled into a devious grin. All that was missing was the long, handlebar mustache.

His mouth opening to surely say something God awful was enough to snap Jared out of his paralysis. “Chad, get out!”

“Whatcha watching there, Jare Bear?” A questing hand reached toward the source of his humiliation and -alarm bells- way, way too close to his dick. It was promptly slapped away. “Aw, come on! Just let me see!” Chad cajoled as Jared slammed his computer shut and put a halt to locker room twinks servicing the football team. “You're no fun,” he grumbled with a pout and dropped down on the foot of Jared's tiny bed.

Resigned to the fact he would not be having his afternoon private time before his three o'clock class, Jared felt his erection go down. It wilted with his mood.

“Anything you want in particular, Chad? Quickly.”

“Oh, right!” His friend perked up and held up his phone like a trophy. “Look at this.”

Once the phone was shoved into his face, it took Jared a moment to even begin to comprehend what he was being made to look at. All he saw was flesh. Lots of flesh. He drew back with mild repulsion.

“How many times do I have to tell you, I don't want to see any of the freaky porn you come across in the bowels of the internet.”

Chad's eyes rolled. “You see one chick in a clown gang bang and suddenly you get all sensitive--”

“Coulrophobia is a legitimate--”

“It's not, and besides what better way to face your fears?” Chad's careless shrug equally frustrated him and never made him more grateful his friend wasn't pursuing a degree in the mental health field. “We're getting off track. Here. Look and really look this time, prude.” The added insult Jared was ready to deny was overshadowed by the cell thrust at him, only this time at a discernible distance.

All the flesh he'd seen before amounted to a bare backside straddling a chair -broad and male- with a peach emoji stamped over where his ass should be. Beneath it was the name, Ross and in bold capitals, **Small Dicks Need Not Apply**.

Jared snorted. “What the hell is this?”

Chad's giddy smile slackened. “Did you even read it?”

“Of course, I read--” He stopped short at the familiar logo at the top and the telltale distance of _Less than a mile_. “Wait, you have a Grindr?”

“Duh, dude.” This time the look he received was casual derision. “It's college, and I like to keep my options open. This is pure gold right here.”

“Sure, if by pure gold you mean insane.”

Jared had the same app on his phone, but if such things could collect dust, he'd be sneezing his brains out every time he swiped past it, unused. Upon first downloading it, the sheer amount of profiles -just on the campus alone- and all of the highly specific preferences was overwhelming. Not to mention how attractive everyone on there seemed to be. Tall, gangly, nineteen year old freshman with limited experience didn't sound so appealing in his mind. Peering at the page in front of him, perhaps Jared was right to avoid it.

“Insane in the best way. This guy is hot and according to this...” Chad's thumb scrolled down to read more. “Is a bottom looking for _right now_. Primed and ready to go. I'm thinking about hitting him up. Submit an application of my dick, if you will.”

Jared's brow arched sharply. “Seriously? 'An application... for your dick'? That doesn't sound bonkers to you?”

Whatever happened to meeting people the old fashioned way? Not that that way was working out for him either...

“Why and -dare I ask- how would you go about doing that?”

_Under special skills, shoots off within twenty seconds but amazing refractory time?_

Chad's face settled into a solemn expression. His phone held to his heart. “Jare, with great dick comes great responsibility. And when a size queen calls -nay, **demands** \- help, be it dude or chick, it is my sacred duty to answer. How will I go about that is exactly why I'm here. Your room gets the best natural light, and I'm gonna need that for my artfully-composed, highly tasteful dick pic.”

Jared could only sit there and blink while he pondered how they ever came to be friends. Eventually he stated, mystified, “The truly horrifying thing is, is that you actually believe that.”

Chad's answering shrug and the quirk of sandy blond brows was a loud and clear, _“Why of course.”_

“Okay, first off,” Jared began with a long suffering sigh. “You're not using my room as an art studio for your genitals. And second, you shouldn't just send a stranger a picture of your penis--”

“Not the first time, shan't be the last.”

“That's concerning. How bout this, that could be a catfish for all you know. There's only one picture, and you can't even see his face, just his back.”

Although it was a very nick back, all sinewy with muscle and those adorable freckles. They made him think of someone else with frec--

“It's a hook up app. You're supposed to display your best assets. Get it? Ass-sets?”

“... and yours just happens to be your junk?”

“Yep, and also these sick abs.” Chad smacked the concave curve of his stomach with a proud jut of his patchy chin. The quest for a beard was not going well.

Right now, Jared should be having a nice, relaxing jerk off session -snatching up all the dopamine his tired brain could scrounge up- instead of here having this discussion with Chad as a headache was in its infancy.

“The answer is still no.”

“Dude, please!” Chad didn't drop to his knees with prayer hands, but he looked close to it. “When the sun cuts through your blinds at just the right angle, the shadow cast will add inches to my length--”

“Wait, how do you know this-- No, don't answer. I don't want to know.” Jared shook away the full body shudder at the image of Chad having his junk out at any point in his room. All heavily supervised visits from here on out.

“Come on, Jare, it'll be perfect.”

Faced with Chad's imploring gaze, a thought struck him and a smirk lifted the tight line of his mouth. “If you're trying to add inches to prove you have a big dick, wouldn't that be false advertising?”

It took Chad a moment to process, but once he did, his face fell into a betrayed squint.

“... bro.”

:::

Chiming. So much fucking chiming.

Jensen emerged slowly from the coma-like state he was in. He buried his face deeper into his pillow and tried to sink back into sleep, resolved to ignore it. Maybe it would go away on its own without him having to move.

Well, that was the plan until a different, meaner, more weaponized pillow crashed down on him and a groggy voice demanded for him to mute his goddamn phone. He snapped upright, his eyes flying open which turned out to be a painful idea. Light pierced his retinas and stabbed with ruthless precision into his brain, and the sudden motion forced him to be incredibly still until the sick wave passed.

Still, the chiming persisted.

After long moments of careful breathing, he felt okay enough to see the world and move. He shuddered. His head was throbbing, and his mouth tasted like overcooked shit, but he would manage. He located his phone kicked to the foot of his bed while his fitted sheet hung on by a corner. Snatching his phone up, the mystery as to where all of his bedding went was answered in the pile of blankets on the floor capped with a messy head of red at their center. His sneer deepened when he saw the battery was down a measly seven percent. It fell away though when he read the dim screen.

Twenty six new messages on... Grindr? He didn't even have Grindr.

“What the fuck...” he mumbled as one hand unlocked the screen while the other felt around for his charger. His stomach plummeted when the app loaded, and he wasn't so sure he wasn't going to be sick. “What the fuck!”

It was Danneel's turn to lurch upward -mascara flaked across her face like confetti- and looking around wildly. “Wha--” She coughed and held a hand to her chest looking green around the gills. “What's wrong?”

Far too awake now and eyes wide, Jensen had no words. He could only pass the phone over. She took it with an uneasy glance.

“Did they post exam grades yet-- oh.” She paused, her brown eyes scanning. “That's-- _oh_.” A very unladylike snort burst from her, and she slapped a hand over her mouth to muffle her shrieks of laughter.

Green eyes narrowed at her into lethal slits. “This isn't funny. What did you do?”

“What did **I** do?” she squealed, teary-eyed and smile bright. “That's clearly you!”

Which was true. That was his naked back and -oh God- a peach, really?

“Well,” he floundered, grasping at straws. “You were obviously here with me.”

“Your point?” She grinned, pulling the phone closer and scrolling. Another abrupt snort lapsed into more cackling. The sound was nails in a blender. “'Small Dicks Need Not Apply'?! That's amaz--” Her jaw dropped as realization struck. “Oh shit, now I remember.”

Jensen sat back with a bemused frown, struggling to remember. He could recall getting out of class and returning to the dorm... Just as he was walking in, that cute, obscenely tall guy who lived on the second floor was on his way out and this time Jensen was going to talk to him, dammit. But of course he chickened out... Then after kicking himself all the way to the fifth floor, he was immediately bombarded by Felicia because Rachel ate all of her vegan yogurt. No one had told Jensen just how shitty of a gig being an R.A. was. It took a whole hour to talk her down and even he was still threatened to do something about it or Felicia would take matters into her own hands, and judging by the evil genius glint in her eyes, the result would be creative yet catastrophic.

Just as he finally closed himself up in his room and precious relief was within reach, his phone dinged and he made the mistake of checking it. The heavily filtered photo repelled him and the gag-worthy caption, “ _Never knew love and_ _happiness until I met this man_ ” did in fact test his gag reflex which Jensen thought he had pummeled into submission his freshman year.

“Hashtag _Blessed_ , hashtag _Love is Love_ , hashtag Go fuck yourself.” His mocking tone had devolved into a dark grumble as he then dialed Danneel and informed her to bring over all the alcohol.

The rest could be safely assumed without having a crystal clear recollection. They got drunk, and his effort to get his mind off his recent break up had inevitably revolved around said break up - _”Stupid Carl; what the fuck kind of name is Carl anyway?”_ \- where he most likely got angry then maudlin then hellbent on doing something he would regret. That seemed to be the case now, because he just had to get wine-drunk with his best friend and now all he had to show for it was a debilitating hangover and a phone full of dicks.

“You.” He pointed accusingly at Danneel. “This is your fault. This.” He finger tapped in agitation at his own humiliating snapshot. “Is also your fault.”

“Oh really? I remember it quite differently. You said and I quote--” She took a moment to pucker her lips and drape her wrist across her forehead to slur, “'Danni, Danni, photograph me like one of your French girls!'” Her imitation dissolved into more peals of laughter.

“Oh yeah, sure, that sounds exactly like me.” His sarcasm was ruined by his red ears as he slumped down. He may **vaguely** remember that, but in his defense he had felt a hundred times sexier at that moment. Now all that alcohol-induced confidence had evaporated into non-existence in the cold light of day. He couldn't just rant about his ex and then pass out like a normal person?

Realizing he wasn't finding the same amount of humor in this, Danneel's giggling faded. She took in her friend's red-rimmed eyes and grim expression. She shuffled closer and ducked into his distant gaze, her smile warm and reassuring.

“Hey, it's really not that bad. You look hot, and no one can tell it's you--”

Jensen ignored her, his voice small. “I thought things were getting better. I thought **I** was getting better.” He looked up at her, lost. “It's not like I was planning on marrying the guy, but it still hurts, you know? He kept me as his dirty little secret for almost a year then suddenly this- this fucking twink comes along and he's Mr. Love Wins? What was so wrong with me? Why wasn't I good enough?”

Danneel's hands seized his with an iron squeeze. All her mirth wiped away. “Hey, stop. Don't say that. Don't you even dare think that. Carl is a piece of shit asshole who never deserved you. I don't know why he did things the way he did, and he's lucky you're such a decent person who made me promise not to hunt his ass down, but what I do know is is it's okay for you to be hurt and confused right now--”

“But it's been four months--”

“That doesn't matter. There's no time limit to these things. And before you say it, you're not stupid for dating the wrong guy. Remember when I dated Mark and the train wreck that was?” They both shared cringing smiles. The boy had big dreams about sister wives, except none of the other girls -Danneel included- knew about each other.

“The right guy will come along or, to be more accurate, the right dick.” She wiggled her eyebrows and looked pointedly down at the phone between them. They both laughed, even though Jensen's was reluctant and watery.

The phone chimed again. His head hung low. “I can't believe I posted something so pathetic and desperate.”

“Not pathetic, not desperate. _T_ _herapeutic_ ,” she corrected. “Who knows... having a little meaningless fun could be good for you. When you were with Carl, all you did was complain about his tiny dick anyway.”

“That's not the point.”

“No, but the point is you need this. Even if you don't meet anyone, the ego boost is worth it.”

Jensen raised a skeptical brow. “You think a bunch of anonymous dick selfies are going to help me?”

Danneel shrugged. A smirk tugged at the pink-smeared corner of her mouth. “Probably not, but think of all of the weird-shaped penises you're gonna see.”

As if on cue, Jensen's phone stuttered with multiple chimes.

It could be the hangover mixed with the fact he might still be a little drunk, but Danneel's reasoning made some semblance of sense. “Some,” more like a gossamer thread, flimsy and easily broken if examined too closely. Keeping the profile for a few days to see if anyone interesting (or irresistibly hung) came along couldn't hurt anything. And if he got bored of it, he would just delete it. Easy.

:::

After a long two days, Jensen had seen more dicks than the combined years of watching porn since the age of thirteen. To be frank, it was more dicks than he was dismayed to discover he cared to see, and as a young, red-blooded gay male, he never could have anticipated that happening. Still, he pressed on for a week.

Not all of the messages consisted of pictures, dark and grainy or flash-exposed. Some were actually quite flattering in their own crude and often times misspelled way. Yeah, he was hot and his back was perfect for shooting off on, but hell no, he wasn't going to remove that ridiculous cartoon peach preserving his dignity or send more pictures. The attention was flattering to say the least. Jensen knew he was far from a hobgoblin, but after Carl, his self confidence had taken a severe hit despite maintaining an unaffected appearance. Like he was going to give the bastard the satisfaction. Now, thanks to a flurry of anonymous perverts, he was almost starting to believe he was desirable again. Wonder of wonders, Danni could actually be right about this whole giving his self esteem a much needed boost.

If only he would stop being haunted by dicks. Most of them weren't drool-worthy winners -there seemed to be a sensitive and loose interpretation on “small”- but some were... nice. Seeing them pop up on the screen would make him flush and a warm tingle would flutter in the pit of his stomach. He even thought about jerking off to a select few once or twice, but the internalized awkwardness outweighed temptation.

At present, Jensen cringed with each new message.

Dicks were seared into his brain: The sad, gray hot dogs in the cafeteria? Sad, gray dicks. Professor Armstrong's fat, stubby little fingers? Fat, stubby little dicks sprouting from his palms. Jensen even avoided looking at his own dick for everyday necessities like bathing or using the restroom. Anything vaguely phallic-shaped was ruined for him. He had nightmares of being chased by dicks into a bottomless pit filled with -you guessed it- dicks.

Long dicks, short dicks, straight dicks, crooked dicks, thin dicks, thick dicks, circumcised, uncircumcised, dicks of every color under the epidermis pigmentation rainbow. He could cry because of it.

Jensen was sure he had finally reached his breaking point when he received a picture that instantly triggered a choking fit and his phone went sailing across his room like spiders were crawling out of the screen.

What the hell was wrong with people? Eventually, after he gave it some time, he retrieved his phone thinking he must have overreacted. He was stressed out and a little over caffeinated. It couldn't have been that bad...

Nope. If anything it had somehow gotten worse. When he forwarded it to Dannel, she had merely responded with a paragraph worth of crying faces ending with the phrase, “ _Marriage material_.” The bitch. He informed her he was done with all this, and she swiftly changed her tune. It somehow turned into his fault. Yes, there were bound to be a few -more than a few- weirdos, but that didn't mean he should give up! He wasn't even giving the process a proper chance. He couldn't just sit around hoarding pictures of strangers' genitals. Had he even messaged a single guy?

Putting it like that, he could sort of admit within the privacy of his dorm that she had a point. He couldn’t forever bitch about needing to get laid and then do nothing about it. It was like expecting to get his physical therapy degree without going to class. He could get behind that reasoning. So what if he was more of a relationship kind of guy?

Danneel's parting text of encouragement read, “ _This isn't about finding a love connection. You need a (preferably) well-endowed guy to fuck your brains out so you can forget all about Carl the Chode._ ”

It was far from poetry or the words one would find on a motivational poster, but Jensen could certainly get on board. He kind of had to at this point, right?

:::

Jared was a creep. Simple as that. A sad pervert if there ever was one, and he was only nineteen. Didn't that kind of thing only worsen with age?

After checking the new wallpaper of the home screen on his phone, he determined he was doomed.

_Stupid Chad._ That's who he wanted to blame in all this. Stupid Chad with his stupid phone with his stupid hook up app and his stupid, insatiable need to try to fuck anything that moves and tell an equally stupid Jared all about it. Not that in this instance was his best friend successful, but thanks to him Jared was a man obsessed.

Ever since Chad had barged into his room parading around a picture of the most perfect backside, Jared was ruined. Such an insidious image had wriggled its way into his brain and burrowed there between his waking thoughts and into the mad splash color of his dreams. Creamy skin with sun-speckled shoulders and thick deltoids (he had to Google the anatomy because muscles so flawlessly-shaped deserved the correct label) with a deep, diamond drop dip of spine leading down to a teeny tiny waist was surely going to be the death of him. Well, at least of his self respect, because it was entirely too easy to locate “Ross'” profile and screenshot the tantalizing photo.

_Like a creep_ , the last defenses of his floundering dignity supplied.

Too often he found himself laying in bed, sweaty and out of breath with his stomach a spattered mess with nothing but that picture glowing on his phone beside him. Sometimes in the post-orgasmic hum pumping lethargically through his veins, he considered just biting the bullet and messaging Ross. What could it hurt really? It's not as if Jared's love life, much less his sex life, was particularly booming. Between coursework and his own bashful nature, it was a wonder he managed time for the small group of friends he had. Well... he could possibly make time to try to date or at least expand his sexual resume, but -hell- Chad on his own could be a full time job, because apparently now that Jared's room was off limits for boudoir photo shoots, Chad took it as a personal challenge to destroy the virtue of his dorm room. Anything other than studying and guarding his space -and now obsessing over a stranger's freckles of all things- Jared was too exhausted for much else.

Thank his parents for forcing him to sign up as camp counselor the summer before leaving for college or Jared would still be holding onto a crisp and pristine and fully intact V-card. That clandestine night after lights out with Andy in the boat house atop a messy pile of sun-bleached life vests wasn't exactly magical, but it got the job done. And there was nothing like reminiscing over losing your virginity as an arduous task that need completing. Stupid Chad and his stupid bragging about his oh so epic afternoon with Allie Schwartz in her princess pink twin size when her parents weren't home.

He could message Ross. The distance of _Less than a mile_ _away_ seemed to taunt him; made more unbearable when on one occasion Jared noticed the location had changed to _Less than five hundred feet_ from his current position.

Jared had frozen on the threshold of the co-ed bathroom, mouth dry and his heart juttering on the precipice of something not quite a panic attack, because distress came after the initial rush of blind-sided elation. _He's here. He's in the building right now._

Backing out of the doorway -much to the confusion of the pair of girls slathering some green concoction on each other's faces- he moved at a sedate pace back to his room in order to adequately react to this new information. On the way, his eyes flitted up and down the hall and into every open doorway, imagining his eyes possessed x-ray vision and every clothed back was assessed but ultimately dismissed. He had figured that Ross went to the same school, but to be struck with the revelation that maybe -possibly- he lived in the same dorm was more than poor Jared's nerves could handle. Messaging that delectable back seemed all the more impossible, because now Jared's brain was zipping off in wild directions and crafting connections with everyone he's ever encountered going in and out of the building -circling one unfairly gorgeous person in particular- that left him aching and drooling and hoping, hoping, hoping--

Fuck. Not only a creep, a pathetically pining creep. Jared felt positively textbook.

In an effort to stop himself from being such a weirdo, that instead of locking himself up in his room and hovering over his phone in a stunning impression of Gollum with his Precious after classes, he decided the perfect alternative to his addictive behavior was to make his way up to the fifth floor to visit his good pal, Felicia.

Felicia was great; quirky and funny and passionate about whatever that week's new interest happened to be. Jared hoped it was something pleasant like the pure existence of Red Pandas instead of the existential crisis NASA's image of that black hole incited. Jared couldn't sleep for two days after listening to the redhead's enthusiastic, in-depth discussion on the formation of black holes and that it's been estimated the Milky Way -the galaxy we happen to live in- contained anywhere from ten million to one billion black holes with masses roughly three times that of the sun.

Two. Two whole days without sleep.

Jared's plan was to surprise his friend since the last he'd heard from her had come in the form of a text filled with enraged emojis and choice words about her roommate followed up by the promise she was most likely going to murder her; those dark words had been sandwiched between cartoon knives and prayer hands. Jared, being a gallant gentleman and a wonderfully thoughtful friend, was going to save her by whisking her away to ice cream and a sympathetic ear.

Only, his knocking was met with silence. He stood there with a frown. He could have sworn he'd seen her flaming bob of hair entering the building across the courtyard. Maybe he should check the kitchen area--

Then he heard it. A soft mewling steadily growing in volume. Shuffling closer, he inclined his head toward the door and listened. His frown cracked into pink-cheeked alarm. The sudden squeal punctuated with Felicia's sharp demand of “Yes, right there!” sent him jumping backwards into the opposite wall with a thump. Except the thump gave way to swinging hinges and he stumbled into a room.

“--go out with one, she says. It'll be fun. Ha! I'm gonna murder Danni the next time I see her.”

Jared spun around with an apology poised on the tip of his tongue where it promptly shriveled and vanished along with all the moisture in his mouth.

Creamy skin with sun-speckled shoulders. Thick deltoids. A deep, diamond drop spine leading down to a teeny tiny waist.

He watched with saucer-wide eyes as the backside he'd been low-key fixated on for over a week bunched and stretched as a dark t-shirt was drawn upward then dropped to the floor with a wet plop. All the while the owner of said backside continued ranting on to himself about shitty best friends who gave shitty advice and never again. In a distant part of Jared's mind, he realized he should probably slip back out the door and not stand here like the world's most incompetent peeping Tom, but his dumb legs weren't listening, and they locked in place when the other guy spun around in all of his half-naked glory.

_Oh._ Oh no.

The thing was Jared tried -and failed- at not imagining a face on the other side of short-cropped dirty blond hair. There was little point in getting his hopes up for what was clearly a catfish, right? Well, Jared's brain -like his legs- didn't feel like listening to him. Aside from picturing what could only be a magnificent ass beneath that peach sticker, Jared also saw a certain face in all of his fantasies. That was another reason why Jared never saw much point in messaging Ross. Wonder if he was a nice enough guy, but Jared didn't like his face? He didn't want to be that shallow-- or more shallow. He also knew it wouldn't be right or fair to sleep with someone while thinking of someone else, no matter how casual of an encounter. Jared was disappointed to discover about himself that he was terrible at separating feelings from sex, and the guilt along with that would devour him in persistent gnawing.

Somehow, this was worse. Hypotheticals were all well and good -somewhere in those scenarios he at least had a sliver of a chance- but reality obliterated all those. At least Jared now knew that the face he imagined and the truth were one in the same. Unfairly handsome features comprised of bottle green eyes and lips so full Jared would happily receive secondhand oxygen from them and the freckles! Do not get him started on the freckles. This perfect face belonged to Felicia's Resident Adviser, and Jared had been hopelessly gone for him since Freshmen orientation.

If the other guy was shocked by Jared's random presence in his room while he was in the midst of undressing, he didn't show it more than the deepening of his pouty frown paired with a slow blink. A flurry of apologies tripped over themselves to exit Jared's mouth, but before he could get past the proper intake of breath required to do so, a whiskey rough voice stopped the air short in his lungs.

“Can I ask you a question?” He didn't wait for Jared too stunned to answer before plowing on. “If you sent me a picture of your dick and I -after a little pleasant conversation- consent to have a drink with you, would you consider that a binding contract to us fucking?”

Forget stunned. Jared's brain was slow-moving mush. “Wh-what?”

“Like sure, yeah, I can see how my profile could radiate a specific vibe, but what is it now with guys thinking all they have to do is buy me a drink and I'm expected to drop to my knees and pretend to choke on his prick?”

The image of the R.A. on his knees was enough to congeal the slow-moving mush to a complete standstill. In contrast, there was a twitch and swell inside of his jeans. It was a struggle to follow along. Something about drinks? Considering he wasn't legally old enough to purchase alcohol--

“I don't, uh, think I'm the best person to ask about--”

“Especially!” The other guy chuckled, seemingly on a roll now. “Especially when said prick was clearly photo-shopped. It had to be. Nothing that big just exists out in the wild without being already on a porn site, but he seemed nice enough so I thought, what the hell it can't be all about size, right? Right?”

Jared wasn't sure if he was meant to answer this time but judging by the expectant look drilling into him, he squeaked out a meek “No,” only for that to be immediately cut off with--

“And another thing, what's with comparing your dick to a red bull can? I get it; it's for size reference, but how I am supposed to be impressed by that? Fucking--” Toned muscles moved under the fluorescent lighting as his arms gesticulated in an obscene motion. “--prop a Monster can or an Arnold Palmer next to it, and then I'll happily fall to my knees and gag on it.”

:::

Just as the words left Jensen's mouth, the full reality of the current situation struck him: He was standing here topless -his neck and chest sticky with Tequila Sunrise of all fucking drinks- ranting about dicks to the cute giant Jensen's been meaning to talk to that has appeared in his room for whatever reason gazing at Jensen like a 6'4 bambi in headlights.

_Well..._ Some small, nonsensical part of Jensen's mind weakly piped up. _At least you're finally talking to him._

He could feel the frustrated flush to his cheeks heat to a mortified boil. The righteous anger from this afternoon's botched attempt at a date was washed away. Suddenly the public humiliation of having a fruity cocktail thrown at him all because he didn't want to hook up in a pub bathroom or ever, thanks to his date's aggressive pushiness, didn't seem all that terrible compared to basically shouting at your crush your unsuccessful hunt for monster-sized dongs.

_Kill me now..._ He winced, his whole body deflating. He didn't know how he got into this exact situation, but he assumed it had to do with an ancestor of his pissing off some deity centuries ago.

“Um,” Jensen started intelligently and drew himself up. He was still an R.A. and therefore the responsible adult. “Can I help you?”

The tanned stretch of his visitor's throat rippled with a heavy gulp. The dry click of his mouth opening was audible in the now quiet. No words were forthcoming though. Looking beyond his own embarrassment, Jensen noticed black pupils had swallowed up the hypnotic blue/green blend of his irises. They roamed over Jensen's chest like a physical touch. He shivered under the heated gaze, more self aware than ever of the beverage splashed across him and drying chilly on his skin, stiffening his nipples into tight peaks. Unbidden, his eyes drifted down to the large bulge tenting the other boy's jeans.

All the blood burning in Jensen's face rocketed downward to his own groin so fast he was almost dizzy from it.

He cleared his throat, drawing blown pupils onto his mouth. His tongue flickered out, wetting them. “Close the door.”

The other boy jumped with a mild look of alarm. He staggered back and knocked into the door frame, “Sorry-sorry-sorry” falling from his wide, pink mouth.

Jensen reached out to stop him. “No, with you, um, on this side of it.” He hoped the meaningful look he was projecting got across without having to fully spell it out. He also desperately hoped he was reading things right, because now that he had this boy in front of him, there was no way he was going to let this opportunity pass him by.

Danni, the bitch, would be so proud.

The message was received in the shuddered breath and the slow click of the door closing. The sound triggered a rapid fire series of events, starting with the taller boy's back slamming against the door and two pairs of urgent lips crashing into each other. Jensen was pleased to note he had to rise onto his toes to reach his mouth. Their tongues moving together as sharp sips of air passed between them. As large hands tentatively held his waist, Jensen pulled back with a loud smack.

“Jensen,” he panted, his fingers tangled in soft, brunet locks. They squeezed when the only response was to be reeled back into another knee-melting kiss. He huffed in weak protest, his mind flitting back to earlier when he delivered a short yet impassioned speech to whatshisface about Jensen not being easy, but as sure hands hauled him closer to feel the hot brand of the other boy's erection against his thigh, Jensen realized maybe he **was** that easy, falling back into the kiss with a drugged hum.

The tip of the other boy's nose drew down his cheeks and traced his jaw while sloppy nips littered the glowing red of his neck. It took Jensen a moment to decipher between the hard pulls against the delicate skin of his throat that the cute giant's name was Jared and _oh my God_ , were they really doing this?

Beneath heavy-lidded eyes, an oddly affectionate grin shaped the fast breaths leaving Jensen's mouth.

Being easy didn't seem like such a terrible thing if it happened to be with the right person.

With that thought in mind, he extracted himself from what he was positive to turn into an impressive rainbow of bruises and slid down the satisfyingly long length of Jared's body. It only made Jensen's mouth water to think of what was to come. He landed on his knees with hands resting lightly on Jared's tense thighs, looking up for permission to take this further and oh how he prayed for it to, because he knew what lay beyond that zipper was sure to be life ruining. Gazing up to Jared's flushed face was a gut punch of want. Almond-shaped eyes widened with understanding and the wild halo of his shaggy hair rustled with the jerk of his head in the affirmative. That was all Jensen needed, fumbling with the button and zip and missing how those mesmerizing eyes squeezed shut in an endearing mix of nerves and anticipation.

Jensen hadn't realized he was holding his breath until it left him in one gust. The almost obscene size stretching gray boxers hung heavy out of the open fly, a tempting wet spot soaking the fabric at the tip. He reached out with shaky hands to draw the offending underwear down and out of the way. Sudden need getting the best of him. One would think by now he'd gotten his virtual fill of the male anatomy and he'd be apathetic to it, but here live and in the flesh and literally in his face... Well, Jensen keenly felt the throb of his own erection confined in his pants. He gave himself a reassuring squeeze.

Danni would absolutely cackle at his borderline melodramatic reaction to revealing what had to be the perfect cock. Long and thick with veins running down the shaft to match the tanned forearms locked at Jared's sides. Jensen had wanted big, and here it was. His eyes devoured every inch. The weeping pink head matched the color of Jared's mouth.

A fat drop of precome pearled from the slit. He licked his lips, smirking as he heard a punched out whimper sound from above. Hearing that, he wasted no more time opening wide and stuffing as much as he could of cock down his throat. Jensen groaned as his gag reflex fluttered in distress and there was still inches left to conquer. Anchoring his hands on the jutting bone of Jared's hips, Jensen shifted on his knees and happily got to work.

:::

Jared's head fell back with a thunk. That dull pain was easily eclipsed by the exquisite suction on his cock. His legs shook, hips rutting uselessly beneath Jensen's firm hold.

Fuck, Jensen. Jared didn't know how exactly he got here with his dream boy kneeling before him and attempting -rather successfully- to suck Jared's brains out through his dick, but there was no way he was going to argue. He knew some truly embarrassing sounds were leaving him -whimpers and groans that rattled through the rapid rise and fall of his chest- but he couldn't care, lost in the pure heaven of Jensen's mouth, All hot spit and a devilish tongue.

Then Jared made the brave -stupid- mistake of peeking down.

The pain shooting through his skill was brighter this time when his head flew back. The image of plump lips stretched wide around him and sinful jade eyes peering back at him through thick lashes was forever seared into his brain. The ache in the back of his head did little to temper the molten pleasure pooling low in his groin. His nails bit crescents into his palms. His balled fists were held tightly against his sides when every instinct him was roaring to reach out and knot his fingers into Jensen's hair and _yank_ him closer, forcing a home for his cock down the gorgeous R.A.'s throat. His slight inexperience and polite upbringing were the only worn strings of caution tape warning him from doing so.

Jensen, apparently had other ideas.

A sharp, questioning hum vibrated through his length. Jared's body jolted like a live wire, and he almost came right then and there. Abruptly cold air hit his shaft, and he groaned with a shiver.

“Hey,” rasped from the other boy, “Look at me.” Fingers tapped on his pelvis. Jared unscrewed his eyes and looked down. Shit. Had he done something wrong? Jensen's bruised rose lips eased into a drool-slick smile, his cheeks and ears a soft pink. “Relax. Trust me, I'm not gonna break. Just---fuck my face and when you think you're gonna come, tell me, because then you've got to fuck me, okay?”

Jared stiffened at those instructions, the waves of pleasure rolling through him cresting to a threatening peak. “Uh... in that case of not coming,” he squeezed out while thinking of the most unsexy of images, mostly involving his mother and Chad. “Maybe don't say things like that while, um, looking like that?”

The smirk that graced the corner of Jensen's puffy mouth -instead of sparking shame- created a tickling warmth in Jared's gut. Jensen sat back on his heels with his hand a light, teasing circle around Jared's cock. His voice was honey deep and laughing. “... Well, alright then.”

Without another word, he rose to his feet -taking that wonderful mouth with him- and sauntered over to the nightstand. He rooted around for a moment until he produced a condom and lube, tossing them onto the bed. The bed. Jared gulped. Green eyes slanted towards him with another grin.

“Y'know, this usually works better without clothes.” The statement was accompanied by a clink of a buckle as denim and cotton slithered to the floor in a whisper, leaving the older boy completely nude and gazing at Jared with open invitation written across his handsome face.

Jared's hand went absently to his cock. He nodded, following it like a compass, toeing out of his shoes and socks and staggering out of his pants. His discarded shirt left his hair a static mess. Lips met his in a swooping kiss as soon as the fabric cleared his chin. With another seductive smile, Jensen crawled onto the bed, turning his back on him, and Jared was lost.

That back. A fog entered his brain then, erasing everything save for that back. It was a lighthouse that lured him through the fog, closer and closer until he was straddling pale thighs. For a week -even though it felt tortuously longer- Jared had been fixated on these shoulders, this broad expanse of ivory skin, and--- he paused. His hands hovered over the place that damned peach sticker always kept hidden. Jared's eyes drank in the twin, perfectly round globes, looking just as peach soft and mouth watering. They jiggled softly as Jensen settled onto his stomach. Muscles clenched when Jensen pushed the supplies toward him and opened his mouth to say something. What, Jared didn't know, because at that moment he dove downward and buried his face between Jensen's ass cheeks.

Jensen choked and groaned into his pillow. Jared felt like a man possessed, grabbing onto each cheek and spreading him wide. His tongue worked in quick, long swipes eventually wiggling into the tight, wrinkled pucker and moaning at the earthy flavor he found. This was his first time trying this and now he distantly wondered how he was ever going to stop. He was addicted. Addicted to the suffocating heat smothering his face. Addicted to the keening noises filling the room, and the hand fisting his hair and urging his face in closer. Deeper. Addicted to the dark taste of Jensen. Jared could happily remain here for the foreseeable future.

“Jay-- Jared” left Jensen in a breathy rush. His grip on Jared's hair tugging in feeble pulls. “Fuck me. Please - _mmm_ \- fuck me.”

Jared gasped into the humid space, his own need flaring but he couldn't seem to tear himself away. His tongue worked in swirls, and he reveled in the other boy's sharp cry.

“Jared!”

With great reluctance, he dragged himself away with one last lick. Coming up for air was an icy blast to the soaked lower half of his face. His lips were buzzing. His hands, when he reached for the supplies and popped open the tube, left a glowing print behind on each butt cheek. He wondered if they would bruise--

Jensen yelped, almost bucking Jared clear off him. The look shot Jared's way was incredulous and he could see why, glancing down as his struggle to maintain his balance produced another belch of the cold lube to pool in the dip of Jensen's spine.

“Sorry,” he murmured -face on fire- as he attempted to scoop as much as he could into his palm. He squirmed under Jensen's stare, hoping he wasn't about to be kicked out. The thought rushed his movements.

Without much further ado, he slipped one finger into Jensen's hole. It was loose and butter soft now by Jared's mouth. The R.A.'s answering hum emboldened him to slide in another, scissoring. The sight of his long fingers slipping past that tight ring up to the thick bolts of his knuckles was its own form of hypnosis. He didn't even blink when Jensen impatiently demanded a third and just robotically did as he was told.

“Okay, I'm ready.” Hips wiggled. Jared's fingers moved in slow, persistent strokes, searching for that one spot... “Jared!” The muscles stretched around his fingers locked as Jensen twisted around as much as he could to glare daggers at him.

“As much as I appreciate how thorough you're being, I swear to all that is holy that if you don't hurry the hell up, I will pin you down and ride you myself.” Jensen growled through gleaming, white teeth. His green eyes were murderous and glittering jewels amongst his flushed skin and red bitten lips.

And Jared wondered not for the first time during this encounter, was this love? He could feel himself foolishly falling hard and fast as he nodded and withdrew his fingers only to fumble opening the condom packet.

A chuffed laugh sounded. “Oh, for fuck's sake--” The mattress shifted and another set of hands plucked the package from his pitiful attempts, tearing it open with a clean jerk. Jensen held up the condom between them. With an arched brow, his grin was uncertain. “This isn't like, your first time, right?”

“No!” Jared denied a decibel too loudly. A burning streak shot through him. This was the third, not that he was going to tell this gorgeous boy that. He snatched the rubber back.

Jensen leaned over to peck him on the cheek. “You're cute when you pout... I trust that you can handle it from here?” A warm, callused hand reached out and gave his length a lingering pull.

Jared eagerly bobbed his head. With quick, shaking fingers, he rolled the condom on. The touches to his erection reasserted the need he felt, strong and careless and overwhelming. He crowded the other boy to lay back and flipped him onto his stomach, hardly noticing how easy Jensen complied without comment. Jared crawled on top and braced his arm along the broad span of Jensen's shoulder blades. With the other hand, he guided his cock into position. The sight alone was enough to drive him over the edge. Jensen's hips lifted, straining upward into the poised touch of his cock head, urging him on with a quiet huff. Pressing inward, the tip popped through the clenching ring of his hole. Jared stilled at the pained intake of breath beneath him.

“It's okay,” Jensen muttered, his voice an octave higher. “Keep going. Don't stop.”

As if sensing Jared's apprehension at the request -because, fuck, Jensen felt so tight still- Jensen arched his back and forced Jared inside him another inch. The action took Jared by such surprise, he bucked forward to sink deeper into the molten clutch of Jensen's body until he was fully seated. Jensen hissed and they both stilled. Jared's thumb traced the twin dimples above Jensen's ass in silent question.

Jensen was taking deep breaths, and a soft, delighted laugh pushed past his exhalations. “Shit, you're so big.” The edges of Jensen's drunken smile could be seen as he rubbed his face into his pillow.

Jared choked back a moan, shaking with his need to move. He couldn't take it. Slow, so slowly, he drew back and pushed back in. A long, low groan left Jensen, but it didn't sound like pain. A knife's edge difference. A square hand scrambled for the curve where Jared's thigh met his ass and yanked him closer. Jensen's hips rocked back to meet the building rhythm of Jared's thrusts.

“Move. Come on.”

From there, Jared didn't need anymore instruction. He withdrew only to slam his cock back in. The slapping of skin drowned out the little “ah-ah-ah”s punching out of Jensen. His grip on Jared slackened, so he could plant his hands on the mattress to ride Jared's cock, squeezing. One particular hard shove was so good, Jared's knees buckled and his front collided against Jensen's back.

Jensen's beautiful, stupidly perfect back.

He lifted himself high enough so he could put his mouth on the skin spread out before him like a feast. Licks, bites, indulgent sucks. His lips moved in a sloppy streak from shoulders to the flushed skin of the back of Jensen's neck, anywhere he could reach while continuing pounding into the body beneath him. Jensen suddenly yelped (this time good), pushing his ass back into the brutal slam of Jared's hips.

“Right there-right there-holy shit- 'm gonna come.” Jensen bucked underneath their combined weight in an attempt to touch himself.

A possessive growl rumbled through Jared's chest, and he reached around to fit his hand over Jensen's leaking cock. Twisting and pulling and thumbing the dripping wet head while his own cock sped up. Jared's lips latched onto the knob at the top of Jensen's spine, smearing kisses and raking his teeth across the bone.

As soon as Jared touched him, Jensen's keens spiked in pitch and volume. He was a writhing mess. Near tears, torn as he was between the hand on his dick and the one driving into him. Jared plastered himself along Jensen's serpentine spine to grind his cock against Jensen's prostate. The action triggered a shout from Jensen and liquid heat spilled onto the covers as Jensen's hole contracted in a vice. Jared's own orgasm barreled through him, snarling and rutting in slowing motions into Jensen and filling the condom.

They both laid there until they caught their breaths. Eventually a hand slapped weakly at Jared's hip, and with molasses movements he slid off Jensen onto the sliver of mattress remaining from the other boy's passive splay. Their sweat a stubborn seal almost gluing them together. Jared's softened cock slipped from Jensen's loose hole with a whimper from below muffled into the mattress. The dumb grin Jared could feel on his face slowly faded the longer he teetered on the bed's edge.

Should he say something? Jensen wasn't. Was that a signal for Jared to leave? That seemed like the norm. He'd woken up the following day of losing his virginity in the boat house with the sun in his eyes, a crick in his neck, and Andy long gone. They hadn't spoken much after that. Was that what was expected of Jared now?

As he flexed his body in preparation for his reluctant retreat, a pale arm flopped across him, pinning him down and tugging him closer.

“I think I might actually be sore tomorrow.” Jensen's face turned into his shoulder, his nose smushed and lips brushing Jared's skin.

Guilt sprang in his gut, and Jared could only mutter a small, “Sorry.”

Jensen's tired chuckle sent hot air chasing away the chill of cooling sweat as his arm tightened around Jared. “Please don't ever apologize for this glorious appendage.” His fingertips trailed down Jared's stomach to pet at the patch of hair above his groin. “I...” he sighed, content. “I really needed that.”

“Me too,” Jared whispered. Impossibly, his spent cock twitched at the ticklish touch, which reminded him of the yet to be disposed of condom. “Um, where can I...?” He gestured, looking around for a waste basket.

Jensen raised his head with a squint and a distractingly adorable frown. “Oh, uh, in the corner, next to the desk.” He slumped back down and practically melted into the mattress. Jared paused to catalog messy dark blond hair and his rosy pink backside, down bowed legs to the lazy curling of his toes. 

He rose on heavy legs to the corner of the room. Behind him, the peaceful quiet was broken by -of all things- Chumbawamba harping on about getting knocked down and pissing the night away.

Shit. Chad was calling.

“Interesting ringtone,” Jensen complimented with a stretch. He sat up with a wince, swinging his legs around to plant his feet on the ground. He reached for Jared's pants before Jared could tell him to leave it. _No,no,no,no._ He hurriedly stripped off the rubber and tossed it. Just as Jensen fished out his cell, the call went to voice mail and his damning home screen flashed on.

Jared stopped short as Jensen stopped short in his passing the phone over.

“Oh.” Jensen studied his own picture, ratcheting up Jared's nerves. “... I guess this explains why my back feels like it's covered in hickies.”

The apology burst out of him. “I swear I'm not a stalker or anything. Up until I stumbled in here, I had no idea that was you--”

“I don't know if that's better or worse.”

“Last week, my stupid friend barged into my room wanting to take a dick pic and waving around that picture of you -that I didn't know was you- and I only came up here to visit my friend to take my mind off of what I now know is your picture, but I'm sort of not sorry because I really like you. I've liked you for a while now--”

Jensen held up his hand, effectively cutting off Jared's word vomit. Instead of anger, there was only wry amusement. “You know what? It doesn't matter. I need a shower, some food, and another round of truly fantastic sex, in that order. I like you enough to chalk this up to your endearing, puppy-like charm. So, you joining me?”

Beneath the confident words, his hopeful smile thrummed with tension as he held Jared's phone out to him to take, which he carefully did with a nod. Doubts about whether Jensen's easygoing reaction was too good to be true evaporated as the other boy visibly relaxed and eased onto his feet. Standing close, they shared a hesitant flash of teeth before Jensen stopped, seemingly rolled his eyes at themselves, then pulled Jared into a sugar sweet kiss. It was enough to dissipate whatever weirdness of the last couple minutes.

When they parted, they wordlessly moved to pull on enough clothes to be decent to travel to the showers. Jared thought briefly about running downstairs for his shower caddy and a fresh set of clothes but decided against it. He didn't want this moment to end.

“So, did you let your friend take a picture of his penis in your room to send to me?” Jensen's head popped through the neck of a wrinkled, white t-shirt.

Jared's foot entirely missed the leg of his jeans. “What—no. Hell no!”

“And you didn't send me anything of yourself?” Jensen asked with all the nonchalance in the world, his brows delicately raised.

“No!” Jared bit back his indignation, seeing the line of Jensen's mouth twitch. “Grindr and all the online stuff isn't really my thing.”

He waited, awkwardly hunched over to pull up his jeans while green eyes steadily appraised him. Just when he worried if he should say more -maybe along the lines of he didn't judge the other boy obviously- Jensen shrugged and reached past Jared for a pair of sweatpants and a towel.

“Good. It's not really mine either... Although, if I get a chance, remind me to thank that friend of yours for exposing you to it just this once.”

Gobsmacked, Jared followed him out the door. Thank Chad? Preposterous. Jensen and Chad being in the same vicinity together wouldn't happen for a very long time if Jared had any say in the matter.

:::

A very long time only equated to three weeks. In that time meals were shared, Netflix binges were had, and comfortably quiet studying took place in Jensen's room. Oh, and lots and lots of sex.

Jared was embarrassed to admit he didn't know what to call what they were doing until Jensen had to follow up the blindsiding question on when they were going to meet each other's friends with, “Because we're dating, Jay. That's what people who date eventually do.”

The day Jensen was introduced to Chad was by total accident. By that time, Jared had met Danneel and the three of them had hung out on multiple occasions. Jared couldn't tell if the very confident redhead liked him with her enigmatic jokes and flitting glances at Jared's crotch paired with Cheshire grins, but he could see the sibling-level of love shared between her and Jensen so that was enough.

Jared and Jensen were on their way out to grab food when they detoured to Jared's room to collect his hoodie and phone charger. As he rifled through the official mountain of laundry his bed had become since spending more nights than not on the fifth floor, Jensen hovered in the doorway to wait.

And that's when Jared heard it. The rapid footfalls of a one-man stampede barreling closer until they came to an abrupt halt.

“Hey, Jare, I'm starving. Let's get-- _Oh, hello._ What do we have here?”

Jared froze, dread washing over him. He forced himself to turn around and watch. He couldn't resist. It was like witnessing a car crash in slow motion.

“Hi, I'm Jensen.” His poor, sweet, innocent boyfriend straightened and offered his hand, which Chad shook with vigor as recognition flared in his squinted eyes.

“ _Jen-sen_ ,” Chad repeated with a smirk. He shot a wink at Jared's impressive imitation of a statue. “I've heard quite a bit about you. So happy to **finally** meet you.”

Chad was an asshole. He was also Jared's best friend, so of course he knew of Jensen and the broad strokes of their relationship, because Jared had to have an explanation for why they weren't hanging out as much. Jared had made it clear though that what he and Jensen had was new so there so was no way Jared was inflicting Chad on him yet, which now brought everything back around to the fact Chad was still an asshole.

Jared had imagined nightmare scenarios but never quite like this.

Jensen darted a sly glance at Jared. “Really? All good things, I hope?”

“The best.” If Chad had a mustache, he'd be twiddling it like a cartoon villain.

“Jay and I were just heading out to eat, do you wanna join--”

Jared's paralysis broke with the wild shaking of his head.  
  


“Yes!” Chad practically vibrated where he stood. “Nothing in the world would make me happier. We can discuss my work; you may know it.”

Jared's stomach sank. He owed his boyfriend a blow job and the eating out of his life after this.

“Pardon?” Jensen's smile was wide but confused.

“I sent you a -quite epic in my humble opinion- depiction of a certain iconic millionaire.” At Jensen's furrowed brows, Chad unfortunately went on to elaborate. “Top hat... monocle... do the words, 'Hope you don't have a nut allergy' ring any bells?”

It took a moment until Jensen's face dawned with realization and horror. “You!” He jabbed an accusing finger. “You're the psychopath who put a construction paper top hat on his dick and drew Mr. Peanut on his shaft?! That was you?!”

Smiling proudly, his friend dipped into a low bow. “The name's Chad, enchanté.”

“You almost made me break my phone with how hard I tried to whip that image away from me!”

“Ah, well, not everyone is blessed with good taste.” Chad shrugged then reached out to clap a hand on Jensen's shoulder which the other boy tried (and failed) to avoid. “If it couldn't be me, I'm glad it was my boy here... monster cock and all.”

Jensen choked as Jared hung his head low. Green eyes burned into the crown of his skull. Mortification passed between them as a tangible thing.

This... this could have definitely gone better, but to be fair, it could have also gone way worse, he tried to reason.

A too loud clap shook the tiny room. “So! What does everyone have a taste for? Me, personally, could destroy a taco platter. Let's go!” And with that, Chad aimed a toothy grin at Jared -no doubt pleased with himself- and bounded down the hall.

Jared could only stare intensely at the floor and ponder if it was required he make eye contact with Jensen while the older boy dumped him. The silence that hovered in the wake of Chad was killing him, and he flinched with every aborted attempt Jensen made to open his mouth and say something.

“... I can see now why you were putting that introduction off.”

“Jen, I am so sorry for Chad. I have a theory he ate paint chips as a child or aliens planted him here as an agent of chaos to dismantle society--” His words ground to stop at his possibly soon-to-be ex-boyfriend's laugh.

“It's okay. I don't think there will ever be a decent explanation for... that. And anyway? I guess it's only fair he knows about my perfect ass when Danni knows all about your -erm- 'monster cock.'”

Jared's jaw dropped. “That... explains a lot when she's around.”

Grinning, Jensen pushed off the door frame and ambled closer. He linked their fingers together. “Yeah, she's got zero subtly. Although... once she finds out your friend's Mr. Peanut, they'll forget all about us. She found his picture to be 'charmingly inventive.'”

“And did you?” Jared probed. Just the thought that his boyfriend saw his best friend's dick made something sick and ugly rear its head in him.

The freckled bridge of his nose wrinkled as Jensen took a moment to think about it. “Aside from the years of therapy I'll need and the bleach I'll have to buy to scrub that image from my brain... nah, too small for me. I mean, did he even read the profile?”

With that, Jensen rose on his tip toes to deliver a wink and a kiss to Jared's cheek. Jared fought a blush and squeezed the fingers laced with his.

Not the most romantic per se, but, yeah, this could definitely be love.


End file.
